Sunday 30 October 2016

Tax Rebates

Throughout my working life, when it came time to fill out our tax returns, most of us could manage a rebate of only a few hundred dollars, but there would always be someone boasting about a rebate of two or three thousand dollars.

"What are you claiming on?" I would ask.
"Overalls for a start."
"What else?"
"Work boots."
"That's about $4.50 in rebates so far. What else?"
"Oh heaps of stuff."
"What sort of stuff?"
"All sorts."

And it would be about now that my workmate would decide I wasn't quite the sort of company he was looking for after all; and he would head down to the other end of the lunch room and talk to someone who was little less inquisitive.

During a working life of fifty years, I probably had that conversation about forty times - almost always with those exact words in that precise order. Lying factory workers don't have much imagination.




Saturday 29 October 2016

USA Voter Turnout

David Barton, a devout (and devious) Christian, is desperately encouraging his followers to vote for Donald Trump at this year's presidential election. He is claiming that there was a 100% voter turnout during the first 200 years in America, and now it is time for Christians to ensure that the same thing happens again in 2016. He says,
So, in our case, as Christians, we don't have a right to vote, we have a responsibility to vote ... And that’s why you will find that for the first 200 years after we started having votes in America, voter turnout in America was 100 percent. 
https://soundcloud.com/rightwingwatch/david-barton
It's all bullshit though. Voter turnout in America has never been close to 100%. It occasionally reaches 80% but it has also been as low as 6.3%. David Barton (devout and devious Christian) is once again "telling lies for Jesus".





Friday 28 October 2016

Interpreting Dreams

After leaving school I became an itinerant fruit-picker, following the crops from one end of the country to the next - apricots, grapes, olives, oranges, lemons, onions, potatoes, tomatoes - you name it, I picked it.

Being a dopey teenager I lived for the moment with not a thought for the future and spent my wages as soon as I earned them. I would hitch-hike into a town flat broke, and after two months hard work I would hitch-hike back out again - still flat broke!

Sub-consciously though, I must have been aware that I had chosen the wrong lifestyle because I had a recurring dream: I was on a train that was just pulling out of the station when I suddenly realised that I had caught the wrong train. I would rush to the door and start tossing all my belongings from the train, fully intending to jump out after them. But by the time I was ready to take the leap, the train was already going so fast that I dared not take the risk.

So now I was stuck on a train that was heading in the wrong direction with all my worldly goods scattered along the track-side with no hope of ever finding them again!

Not hard to interpret that dream is it?




Wednesday 26 October 2016

What Goes Around Comes Around

When the Christians gained political power in the 4th century AD they immediately set about destroying every other religion in the area. The Emperor passed laws which included the death penalty for worshipping at a pagan temple and the ordinary Christians (who had been taught to love their neighbours and forgive their enemies) were delighted with the new situation, taking great pleasure in vandalising pagan temples, tombs, and monuments - a bit like ISIS today.

One of Christianity's greatest heroes at the time - Firmicus Maternus - demanded even more gruesome punishments when he wrote,
"Paganism, most holy emperors, must be utterly destroyed and blotted out, and disciplined by the severest enactments of your edicts, lest the deadly delusion of the presumption continue to stain the Roman world
And he went on to say,
"How fortunate you are that God has reserved for you the destruction of idolatry and the ruin of profane temples."

Now, 1,600 years later, the Christians have forgotten their own despicable history and are complaining that they are not getting a fair go in Muslim countries:
Christianity May Still be Eradicated 
from Iraq, Even after ISIS is Defeated
Religious leaders have been vocalizing the threat ISIS poses to the survival of Christianity in the Middle East since ISIS rose to power, but even now that many places are being liberated from ISIS control, religious leaders say Christianity may still be eradicated.

Just last week, the Iraqi parliament banned the consumption and sale of alcohol--something which is forbidden for Muslims, and thus seemed to be targeting Christians who are its primary consumers and retailers.

Forbidden to sell alcohol. How awful for them. Will the torment never end?




Sunday 23 October 2016

Only Christians Can Fight Fires

This screenshot appeared on the Facebook page of Clewiston Fire Rescue. It told a story of brave Christian firefighters who utterly failed to save an historic building, but managed to rescue a bible...


Those atheists who were already members of fire services around the country were highly amused by the idiocy of the Christian claim. They left comments poking fun at the people who wrote such nonsense.

The Christians who pompusly declared that atheists were too cowardly to ever join the fire service were highly offended when the atheists started making jokes at their expense. They deleted the post. Brave little Christians. So courageous.



Saturday 22 October 2016

How Come?


Father who ‘repeatedly raped his 12-year 
old daughter’ gets 60-day sentence.
October 19, 2016


Father sentenced to 1,503 years 
in prison in daughter’s rape
October 22, 2016

Friday 21 October 2016

Conserving Energy

I've just made a cup of coffee in the kitchen and carried the kettle back to the stove. Now I start making calculations...

Should I walk across to the wall and switch off the light and then walk back to the table, pick up the cup of coffee and carry it down to the lounge room?

Or should I walk to the table, pick up the coffee and then walk back to the light switch before turning around and heading off to the lounge?

Six steps to the light switch.
Five steps to the table.
Six steps to the kitchen door.
Seventeen steps altogether.

OR

Five steps to the table.
Five steps to the light switch.
Six steps to the kitchen door.
Sixteen steps altogether.

But wait...

What if I first turn off the light and then, instead of walking to the far side of the table to pick up the coffee cup, I walk to the near side of the table and reach across to pick up the cup from there? I could save a couple of steps.

But wait...

It's a fairly wide table and it will be quite a stretch. I might have to raise one leg off the floor to act as a counter-balance during the stretch. I might save two steps of walking but use more energy in the reach across the table.

And what if I can't quite reach? Then I've wasted all that energy stretching and now I've got to waste another three steps walking around to the far side of the table to pick up the coffee cup.



These are the sorts of calculations that have to be done when you've got emphysema.

Get it right and you can get through the day without too much trouble.

Get it wrong and you'll spend three minutes gasping for breathe before you can take that first sip of coffee.

And there will be another three minutes in recovery mode before you can even think about getting out of the chair to do something else.

Such is life...



Wednesday 12 October 2016

McKinney & Henderson (Rotting in Prison)

The sadists who killed
in 1998

Aaron McKinney                       Russell Henderson

McKinney doesn't know it but he was never regarded as a friend by his partner in crime. Russell Henderson deliberately chose to hang around with McKinney because McKinney looked like a dopey little monkey with his shifty eyes and great big ears sticking out the way they do. Henderson knew that when they were standing next to each other, McKinney's ugliness made Henderson look quite good by comparison and gave him a better chance at picking up girls.


Much to his chagrin however, after being sentenced to life in prison, Henderson discovered that his good looks were no longer an asset. The other prisoners chased him from one end of the cell block to the other, attempting to have sex with him. It got so bad that he tried to make himself look less attractive by shaving all the hair off his head. It didn't work and 18 years later he is still having trouble keeping the other prisoners at bay.





Monday 3 October 2016

Hey Christians - Explain The Trinity

There used to be a time when Christians would repeat the Athanasian Creed at every Sunday church service, but as we have become better educated during the last few centuries, the Creed has been looking sillier and sillier:
We worship one god in trinity, and trinity in unity; neither confounding the persons; nor dividing the essence. For there is one person of the Father; another of the Son; and another of the Holy Ghost. But the godhead of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, is all one; equal in glory and co-equal in majesty.
Today's Christian leaders are so embarrassed by such nonsense they actually try to keep it hidden from outsiders and even from members of the flock. There was a time when the Athanasian Creed was repeated in church on a weekly basis. Today it is repeated only once per year at the Trinity Sunday service. Some churches don't mention it at all.



So here's the test for a believing Christian:

In your own words explain to yourself the concept of the Holy Trinity in a way that you think makes the best sense. I'll bet a penny to a pinch of shit that you will turn yourself into a heretic if you try. Consider these analogies:


(1)
The Trinity is like an egg. In one egg you have the white, the yoke, and the shell composing one full egg. 
This analogy denies the unity of the God-head and therefore teaches the heresy of tritheism.

(2)
The trinity is like water which can exist as a solid, liquid, and a gas. 
This analogy denies the distinction of the God-head and therefore teaches the heresy of modalism.

(3)
The trinity is a like a Three-Leaf Clover where the three different cloves represent the three different persons of the trinity.
This analogy regards each component of the trinity as one-third of the God-head and therefore teaches the heresy of partialism.

(4)
The trinity is like the Sun - where you have the star which produces the light and the heat.
This analogy makes God the Father superior to God the Son and therefore teaches the heresy of arianism.
 

The following list will give you an idea about which particular heresy you will commit whenever you try to describe the Trinity:


Modalism
Teaches that the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost are not three distinct persons within a single God, but they are three different modes or aspects of the one God and there are no differences between the three.

Patripassianism
Is a form of modalism which teaches that God the Father suffered on the cross in the same way that the Son also suffered.

Tritheism
Teaches that the Father, Son and Holy Ghost are three independent persons who share the same substance.

Arianism
Teaches that the Son of God was created by God the Father and Jesus Christ is therefore subordinate to the Father.

Docetism
Teaches that Jesus Christ is purely divine and never existed as a human being; he just seemed to be human. And he never suffered on the cross; he just seemed to suffer.

Ebionitism
Teaches that God gave Jesus Christ certain powers that other humans did not have, but nevertheless, Jesus was always a human being and never, ever, divine. He was chosen by God, but he was never the saviour of all mankind.

Macedonianism
Teaches that God the Father and the Son are somehow combined but not equal to each other and that God the Father created the Holy Ghost but it is not combined in any way with God the Father and the Son.

Adoptionism
Teaches that Jesus was born as human and it was only later that he was adopted by God and became divine.

Partialism
Teaches that Father, Son and Holy Ghost are three equal components of the one God. Each represents only one-third of God.




Sunday 2 October 2016

I Never Thought This Would Happen

Just over forty years ago I was friends with a young chap who was killed in a motorcycle accident. We had been workmates for a couple of years so we had got to know each other very well and shared a lot of fun times together.

A few minutes ago I thought about him again - and I couldn't remember his name!

I still can't bring it to mind.

I never thought that would happen.