Important Question

Why are turds tapered?

So your arse doesn't shut with a bang.

Oogedy-Boogedy-Boo (Famous Christian Prayer)

In parts of the USA on Monday, August 21, 2017, there will be a total eclipse of the Sun. On August 19, 2017, a Christian preacher named Bryan Fischer asked this question on his Facebook page:

Does God have a message for us in the total eclipse of the sun?

He starts out by saying:

Now in the thoughts I express here, I am not all pretending that I have received some form of revelation from God about the meaning he wants us to attach to a total eclipse of the sun. This is simply an effort to ponder this sign in the heavens and speculate as to its possible spiritual implications.

In that paragraph he is speaking in the language of Christianese. Here's what it sounds like in ordinary English: 'My name is Bryan Fischer. I am a man of God and, while I would never claim to know the mind of God, I can nevertheless assure you that I do know the mind of God. Whatever I tell you can be regarded as absolutely true because God would not let me say it if it wasn't true.'

Then he says this:

The path of this total eclipse of the sun is remarkable, in that it crosses over the entire continental United States, almost perfectly bisecting America from the Northwest to the Southeast. And in that path, the sun will be perfectly blotted out, by the ruler of the night, plunging all of America in its path into virtual total darkness.

This is a metaphor, or a sign, of the work of the Prince of Darkness in obscuring the light of God’s truth. Satan, and those who unwittingly serve as his accomplices by resisting the public acknowledgement of God and seeking to repress the expression of Christian faith in our land, are bringing on us a dark night of the national soul.

In other words Bryan Fischer has taken something as natural and predictable as a total eclipse of the Sun; added a big helping of Christian Oogedy-Boogedy-Boo, and come up with a message direct from the Lord God Almighty.

And the basic gist of the message?

Stop it or you'll go blind!

Read the whole thing here: https://www.facebook.com/permalink

His Mother Must Be So Proud Of Him

Now that's what I call a slap in the face.

Sad, but I can't help laughing.

The Joys Of Retirement

The Joys Of Retirement:

Waking up at 7-o-clock and then trying to figure out whether it's 7-o-clock in the morning or 7-o-clock at night.

You don't think anyone could live like that? That's 'cos you ain't retired.