Wednesday 30 April 2014

We Don't Discriminate

Until recently, if a Mississippi shop-keeper refused to serve somebody, then the shop-keeper could be prosecuted and forced to pay damages to the victim.

Well the Mississippi Christians hated that idea. They said that every Christian had the right to discriminate against whomsoever they pleased, and the State should not have the right to stop them.

Governor Phil Bryant counted up the number of Christians screaming for the right to discriminate and realised there were enough of them to have a serious effect on his chances to win the next election - so he jumped onto their bandwagon. 

He signed a religious freedom law that prevents police from  
placing a burden on a person’s right to the exercise of religion.
That's lawyer talk for,
Christians can discriminate against anyone they please and the cops can't touch them!

But some shop-keepers decided to invite the persecuted groups into their stores with this sign in their shop windows:





Well the Christians went berserk!
In an interview with One News Now on Monday, American Family Association Executive Vice President Buddy Smith suggested that the decals were an assault on Christian freedoms.

“It’s not really a buying campaign, but it’s a bully campaign,” he asserted. “And it’s being carried out by radical xxxxxx activists who intend to trample the freedom of Christians to live according to the dictates of scripture.”

“They don’t want to hear that xxxxxx is sinful behavior – and they wish to silence Christians and the church who dare to believe this truth.”

Smith warned that businesses that agreed to display the non-discrimination sticker were complicit in taking away the rights of Christians.

“If you do that, you are agreeing with these businesses that Christians no longer have the freedom to live out the dictates of their Christian faith and conscience,” he insisted.

What Would Jesus Do? 
He would agree with the bigots: 
Whoever is not with me is against me 
(Matthew 12:30)


And what does Jesus say should happen
to anyone who disagrees with him?
It would be better for them to have a 
large millstone hung around their neck 
and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.
(Matthew 18:6)

-----

Added one month later (May 30th, 2014)
At the Barbwire website, Gina Miller explains that shopkeepers displaying the anti-discrimination signs in their windows are "homofascist bullies" who  have launched a campaign against all Christians. It is not the Christians who are being discriminatory says Gina Miller:
The truth of the matter is the exact opposite of how the Left portrays it. Christians are not refusing to serve homosexuals, but homosexuals are targeting Christian-owned businesses with demands that would force the owners to participate in the desecration of marriage, in direct violation of their conscience. (link)
So now you know.



Monday 28 April 2014

Religion Is A Protection Racket

You've heard the stories of the protection rackets run by the mafia. A couple of tough looking gangsters confront the owner of a small business and say, "Nice little shop you've got here. It would be a shame if anything happened to it." The message is clear: "Pay us protection money or we'll come back and trash the place."

Religion got started in exactly the same way!
When you take a census of the Israelites to count them, each one must pay the LORD a ransom for his life at the time he is counted. Then no plague will come on them when you number them. (Exodus 30:12)

Modern Christians don't even try to make excuses for the criminal nature of the offer: Ellicott's Commentary for English Readers merely verifies that those who do not pay will probably end up dead!
If a man did not feel his need of “ransom,” and gladly pay the small sum at which the ransom was fixed, he would show himself so proud and presumptuous that he might well provoke a Divine “plague,” or punishment.
http://biblehub.com/commentaries/exodus/30-12.htm

But notice how Ellicot attempts to minimize the situation by pointing out that the ransom was a "small sum" and then goes on to blame the victim; suggesting that the victim is "proud and presumptuous" and therefore deserves his fate!


More recently, on April 25th, 2014, at a forum held by an American religious group called The Family Leader, Bob Vander Plaats, preached the same basic message: Join the Christians in their attempt to gain control of the government - or you will be made suffer.






Sunday 27 April 2014

A Description Of God

First consider the dictionary definition of these words:
ineffable: cannot to be described with words
incomprehensible: cannot be understood

With those definitions in mind, take a look at the 1968 National Catholic Almanac which lists the following attributes of God: 
almighty, eternal, holy, immortal, immense, immutable, incomprehensible, ineffable, infinite, invisible, just, loving, merciful, most high, most wise, omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, patient, perfect, provident, supreme, true.
Source: 1968 National Catholic Almanac, edited by Felician A. Foy, O. F. M. (Paterson: St. Anthony’s Guild, 1968), p. 360.

The authors have managed to comprehend the incomprehensible and used words to describe the ineffable. Clever little Christians, or silly little buggers? What do you think?



Thursday 24 April 2014

Almost - Billy Barrix (1957)

One of my favourite rockabilly songs from the 1950s



The delicious drivel that was 1950s Rockabilly 
(I guess you had to be there)


Almost - Billy Barrix
(Lyrics)

Well-well, almost you broke my heart in two
Well-well, almost you left me sad and blue
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Everybody cries the day you walk by
But I wouldn't believe it was you-ou

Well-well almost I went for your blue eyes
Well-well almost I went for your sweet lies
But everybody's talkin', I might as well be dead
My heart wouldn't listen to my head

Well-well, almost I went for your blue eyes
Well-well, almost I went for your sweet lies
But everybody's talkin', I might as well be dead
My heart wouldn't listen to my head

Well-well, almost I heard the church bells ring
Well-well, almost I heard the angels sing
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Then one day I found, that you were runnin' around
And now I believe everything

Well-well, almost I heard the church bells ring
Well-well, almost I heard the angels sing
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Then one day I found, that you were runnin' around
And now I believe everything
A-almost, almost, almost, almost
Baby almost...



Saturday 19 April 2014

God Will Take Care Of You



Sometime he doesn't help.

But hey, he can't be everywhere at once.

Oh, Wait.

Friday 18 April 2014

Easter (Part #4)

Links:
Easter (Part #1)
Easter (Part #2)
Easter (Part #3)
Easter (Part #4) <<< You are here

When the Pharisees asked Jesus for a sign that he was the messiah,
He answered, “A wicked and adulterous generation asks for a sign! But none will be given it except the sign of the prophet Jonah. For as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of a huge fish, so the Son of Man will be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth. (Matthew 12:38-40)
Three days and three nights. Couldn't be any clearer could it?


Eventually Jesus was crucified and it was about three-o-clock on Friday afternoon when he cried out,
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? (Matthew 27:46)

Somebody gave him a drink of vinegar and then the crowd sat around and waited to see what might happen next:
Now leave him alone. Let’s see if Elijah comes to save him. (Matthew 27:49)

At some later time (after three-o-clock on Friday afternoon) Jesus cried out again, and then he died.
And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. (Matthew 27:50)

With Jesus still hanging on the cross, Joseph of Arimathea went back into town to ask Pilate for Jesus' body:
Going to Pilate, he asked for Jesus’ body. (Luke 23:52)

With permission granted, Joseph of Arimathea went back to the cross, took the body down and carried it off to a tomb that had been cut into the rock:
Then he took it down, wrapped it in linen cloth and placed it in a tomb cut in the rock, one in which no one had yet been laid. (Luke 23:53)

And by the time he had finished doing that,
The Sabbath was about to begin (Luke 23:54)

So Jesus is in the tomb at about 6pm on Friday night, just as "the Sabbath was about to begin," and now we can count off the three days and three nights:
  • Friday night
  • Saturday
  • Saturday night
  • Sunday
  • Sunday night
  • Monday

So the resurrection (according to the prophecy made by Jesus himself) was set to occur sometime on Monday, right? Probably in the late afternoon. It couldn't be much earlier than that because Jesus had promised that he would spend a full three days and three nights in the grave. That was the sign - the ONLY sign - that he was prepared to give.


But then we turn to the gospel of John and find the women at the tomb,
Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark (John 20:1)
And Jesus was gone!
They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don't know where they have put him. (John 20:2)

So Jesus was in the tomb for less than one day and two nights. He was gone before the sun rose on Sunday morning. 

The ONLY prophecy he made regarding his messiah-ship and he got it wrong! What a silly old messiah. 





Thursday 17 April 2014

Easter (Part #3)

Links:
Easter (Part #1)
Easter (Part #2) 
Easter (Part #3) <<< You are here
Easter (Part #4)


The Death of Jesus. Here's how the story is told by the preacher in the pulpit:

  • Darkness covered the land from noon until three-o-clock in the afternoon.
  • Then Jesus cried out "My god, my god, why hast thou forsaken me?"
  • Some people thought was calling out to Elijah (but they were mistaken).
  • Somebody tried to give Jesus some vinegar to drink
  • Then Jesus died (He gave up the spirit)
  • And next came a huge earthquake.
  • The rocks split and the curtain in the Temple was torn apart.
  • It was like a sign from God
  • And suddenly everybody understood that Jesus was, indeed, the Messiah.
  • Even the Roman soldier was moved to say, "Truly, he was the Son of God."
  • And all of these events were witnessed by the women who were watching from afar.


Here's how the story is told in Matthew 27:45-56 (New International Version):

45 From noon until three in the afternoon darkness came over all the land.
46 About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).
47 When some of those standing there heard this, they said, “He’s calling Elijah.”
48 Immediately one of them ran and got a sponge. He filled it with wine vinegar, put it on a staff, and offered it to Jesus to drink.
49 The rest said, “Now leave him alone. Let’s see if Elijah comes to save him.”
50 And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.
51 At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split
52 and the tombs broke open. The bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life.
53 They came out of the tombs after Jesus’ resurrection and went into the holy city and appeared to many people.
54 When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, “Surely he was the Son of God!”
55 Many women were there, watching from a distance. They had followed Jesus from Galilee to care for his needs.
56 Among them were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Joseph, and the mother of Zebedee’s sons.


Did you see the bits the preacher missed out? Yep, verses 52 and 53 are nearly always skipped over because these days nobody believes in zombies. Two thousand years ago the mugs in the pews were dumb enough to fall for the idea that dead people climbed out of their graves and walked around Jerusalem but not anymore. Today's slightly more enlightened Christians will quite happily go for one resurrection at a time, 

  •  Daughter of Jairus.[Mark 5:21-43]
  • The Young Man from Nain.[Luke 7:11-17]
  • The Raising of Lazarus.[John 11:1-44]
  • And Jesus of course

But the idea of mass resurrections, with zombies roaming free on the city streets, well that is too much for most 21st century Christians - so the preachers go out of their way to keep that nonsensical story well hidden.


Wednesday 16 April 2014

Easter (Part #2)

Links:
Easter (Part #1)
Easter (Part #2) <<< You are here
Easter (Part #3)
Easter (Part #4)


In this part of the Easter story I want to consider the death of Judas.


In Matthew 27:5 it is stated that Judas,
"went and hanged himself."

But Acts 1:18 says Judas died when,
"falling headlong, he burst asunder in the midst, and his bowels gushed out."

It certainly looks like we are being told two contradictory stories, but nearly all Christian Apologists agree there is a logical explanation. Nearly all of them say that Judas hung himself from a tree and the branch broke, causing him to hit the ground where his belly split open, and his bowels gushed out.

But wait a moment. Matthew doesn't give even the slightest hint about where Judas was hanged. It could have happened inside a house with a rope tied to the rafters, yet every apologist seems determined to have Judas hanging from a tree. Check out the crazy logic used by Gleason L. Archer as he tries desperately to get Judas outside and into the forest. He begins by pointing out that Judas "hanged himself" and then goes on to explain that the phrase comes from the Greek word apenxato:
(apenxato - the aorist middle third person singular from apancho, a verb used with that specific meaning ever since the fifth century B.C.). This establishes the fact that Judas fastened a noose around his neck and jumped from the branch to which the other end of the rope was attached.
Do you see what he did there? He started with some information about the ancient Greek language, knowing full-well that his audience would bow to his expertise and nod along with whatever he had to say on the subject. And then, while they were still nodding in agreement, he casually introduced the word "branch" as if it appeared in the bible story - but it doesn't!

And now that the word 'branch' has been surreptitiously introduced into the story, his readers can easily take the next step and assume that Judas hanged himself from the branch of a tree. And his readers are prepared to go along with that idea because Archer has already told them it is an established fact! But it is not an established fact at all. And it raises the question: Why are the apologists so keen to see Judas swinging from a tree?

Well if the suicide had taken place inside a house, Judas would have fallen only a few feet to the floor when the rope broke, and it is unlikely that would create enough force to burst open his belly - so the whole scene had to be shifted outdoors in order to make the apology work.

And not just anywhere outdoors either. In his "Alleged Discrepancies of the Bible" John Haley says,
"Judas suspended himself from a tree on the brink of the precipice overhanging the valley of Hinnom, and the limb or the rope giving way, he fell, and was mangled as described in Acts."
All that detail from "went and hanged himself" !

There is method in his madness, however, because now, with Judas hanging over a precipice; when the rope breaks he will plummet to the valley floor and probably hit the ground with enough force to split open his belly. In fact Haley goes on to quote a Professor Hackett who actually travelled to the valley of Hinnom, found the spot where Judas committed suicide (how he found it is not mentioned) but having found it, he took out his tape measure and discovered that Judas could have fallen anywhere from 25 to 40 feet and he,
"may have struck upon some pointed rock, which entered his body, and caused his bowels to gush out."
Darned clever people, those apologists - teasing all of that information from "went and hanged himself."

More than a hundred years after Haley, another apologist (Gleason L. Archer Jr) told the same story in his "Encyclopedia of Bible Difficulties". He wrote,
"...the tree from which Judas suspended himself overhung a precipice. If the branch from which he hung himself was dead and dry...it would take only one strong gust of wind to yank the heavy corpse and split the branch...and plunge both with great force into the bottom of the chasm below."
And the clincher for both Haley and Archer? The big detail that tells them that this is most certainly the place where Judas hung himself? There are trees growing there today! Which means there were probably trees growing there 2,000 years ago! What more proof do you need?


Sources:
Alleged Discrepancies of the Bible - John W. Haley (pages 343,344)
Encyclopedia of Bible Difficulties - Gleason L. Archer Jr (page 344)


So let's forget about the apologists and see if we can work out what is really happening:

In the first place it is worth noting that the very early Christians had never heard about Judas betraying Jesus and killing himself. For example, in 1 Corinthians 11:23 Paul says that Jesus was betrayed but he doesn't name the betrayer. Later, in 1 Corinthinans 15:5, Paul says that after the resurrection, Jesus appeared to "the Twelve", so Judas was not yet dead, and apparently not regarded as a betrayer either. Judas was still with the apostles and apparently still being treated as an equal; certainly not dead.

Twenty years later, however, by the time Mark wrote his gospel in 70AD, it had become accepted that Jesus was betrayed by Judas, but there was no indication that Judas had died (probably because that part of the legend had not yet been invented).

Ten years after that, when Matthew wrote his gospel in 80AD, the legend had grown to the point where Judas had seen the error of his ways and committed suicide during a fit of remorse.

And another ten years after that, Luke invented a much more mysterious death for Judas, saying that he fell over and his bowels gushed out. Luke makes no mention of suicide. Luke is trying to give the impression that Judas was zapped by God himself.

    In 50AD Judas was still an apostle with not a stain on his character.
    In 70AD Judas had become the apostle who betrayed Jesus.
    In 80AD He was the betrayer who died at his own hand.
    In 90AD He was the betrayer, struck down by a miracle from God.

We can see the legend growing bit by bit as each book is written.

As it happens, Matthew was famous for trawling through the Old Testament; reinterpreting the stories he found there, and applying them to Jesus. It was Matthew, for example, who invented the story of the virgin birth. He took the text from Isaiah 7:14,
Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel.
And rewrote it in Matthew 1:23 as,
Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel.
We know it is an invention because 30 years earlier Paul actually went to the trouble of pointing out that there was nothing miraculous about the birth of Jesus. In Romans 1:3 he wrote,
Jesus Christ our Lord, which was made of the seed of David according to the flesh.
So now we know Matthew's technique, we can be pretty sure that he got the story of the death of Judas from the Old Testament - and lo and behold, there it is in 2 Samuel 17:1-23:
Ahithophel was King David's favourite advisor, but when Absalom rose against David, Ahithophel changed sides and advised Absalom on the best way to defeat David's army. As it turned out, Absalom decided not to take the advice, and Ahithophel finally saw the error of his ways, and went home and hanged himself.
The similarities are obvious:
  • A king is betrayed by a friend
  • The friend sees the error of his ways
  • Is overcome by remorse
  • And hangs himself

Ten years later, in 90AD when Luke wrote the book of Acts, he pulled the same stunt. He noted that according to Mark 14:44, Jesus was betrayed with a kiss so he went looking for a similar Old Testament story and found it in 2 Samuel 20:1-10,
And Joab took Amasa by the beard with the right hand to kiss him. But Amasa took no heed to the sword that was in Joab's hand; so he smote him therewith in the fifth rib, and shed out his bowels to the ground.
Luke would have probably been unaware that Matthew had already said that Judas hanged himself, so Luke didn't hesitate to include the disembowelment story in his book of Acts. He didn't care whether it was true or not; all he wanted was a story to tell the mugs in the pews - and he just knew his followers would go for this one. Murder, mayhem, and bloody gore - Christianity thrives on it.

For a long time these contradictory stories about the death of Judas were of no consequence because Matthew was writing for one group of Christians and Luke was writing for a completely different group. Neither group had much (if any) contact with the other, and so the discrepancy remained undiscovered. It was only many years later, when both books appeared side by side in the New Testament, that the contradiction was revealed for all to see.

-----


Here's another question for you: What did Judas do with the thirty pieces of silver?
When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders. (Matthew 27:3)
With the payment he received for his wickedness, Judas bought a field. (Acts 1:18)

Tuesday 15 April 2014

Easter (Part #1)

Links:
Easter (Part #1) <<< You are here
Easter (Part #2)
Easter (Part #3)
Easter (Part #4)

Ask a Christian any question about the Easter story in the bible – and whatever answer they give you, there is sure be another verse that contradicts them. The contradictions begin at the Last Supper and continue through the betrayal, trial, crucifixion and burial of Jesus – but I'm going to concentrate on the resurrection stories because that’s the important bit. As Paul says in Romans (1:4) it is the resurrection that “proves” Jesus was the Son of God, and in 1 Corinthians (15:13-17) the Christians are told: “if Christ be not raised, your faith is in vain.” It is that important.

Before we start, let me remind you that Christian apologist have spent centuries compiling "resurrection harmonizations" which supposedly clear up all of the contradictory stories in the gospels. For example, Matthew says the women saw one angel at the tomb, John says two angels, Mark says one man, Luke says two men. The contradictions are obvious to all except the apologist who begins by explaining that the women had really seen angels but some women had incorrectly assumed they were men. And first they saw one angel and then they saw the other one, but they were confused and assumed they had seen the one angel two times. [Perhaps the apologists are correct - but I think not.]

So anyway - let’s take a look at the eyewitness accounts inspired by the God of Truth:


When did the women visit the tomb?
Mark: At the rising of the sun.
John: When it was yet dark.

Who came?
Matthew: Mary Magdalene and the other Mary
John: Mary Magdalene alone
Mark: Mary Magdalene, Mary mother of James, and Salome
Luke: Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary mother of James, and other women.

Was the tomb open or closed when they arrived?
Luke: Open
Matthew: Closed

Whom did they see at the tomb?
Matthew: An angel
Mark: A young man
Luke: Two men
John: Two angels

Were these men or angels inside or outside the tomb?
Matthew: Outside
Mark Luke John: Inside

Were they standing or sitting?
Luke: Standing
Matthew Mark John: Sitting

Did Mary Magdalene see the messengers?
John: No
Matthew Mark Luke: Yes

Who became frightened when they saw the messengers?
Matthew: The keepers
Mark Luke: The women

Did the women see Jesus?
Matthew: They did – just after they left the tomb
Luke: They did not.

Did the women tell the disciples what they had seen?
Luke: Yes
Mark: No

Did Mary Magdalene recognise Jesus when she saw him?
Matthew: Yes
John: No

How many disciples visited the tomb?
Luke: Peter alone
John: Peter and another

Was Mary Magdalene permitted to touch Jesus?
Matthew: Yes
John: No

Where did Jesus appear to the disciples?
Matthew: In Galilee
Luke: In Jerusalem

Were all the disciples convinced of the resurrection?
John: They were
Matthew: Some doubted

How did the disciples feel when they saw the resurrected Jesus?
John: Glad
Luke: Terrified and affrighted

-----


Here are the various stories listed side-by-side so you can see the contradictions. It's difficult to read because it has been squeezed up to fit this page, but it's the best I can do...



Matthew
CHAPTER 28
1 In the end of the sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, came Mary Magdalene and the other Mary to see the sepulchre.
2 And, behold, there was a great earthquake: for the angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat upon it.
3 His countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow:
4 And for fear of him the keepers did shake, and became as dead men.
5 And the angel answered and said unto the women, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified.
6 He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay.
7 And go quickly, and tell his disciples that he is risen from the dead; and, behold, he goeth before you into Galilee; there shall ye see him: lo, I have told you.
8 And they departed quickly from the sepulchre with fear and great joy; and did run to bring his disciples word.
9 ¶ And as they went to tell his disciples, behold, Jesus met them, saying, All hail. And they came and held him by the feet, and worshipped him.
10 Then said Jesus unto them, Be not afraid: go tell my brethren that they go into Galilee, and there shall they see me.
11 ¶ Now when they were going, behold, some of the watch came into the city, and shewed unto the chief priests all the things that were done.
12 And when they were assembled with the elders, and had taken counsel, they gave large money unto the soldiers,
13 Saying, Say ye, His disciples came by night, and stole him away while we slept.
14 And if this come to the governor's ears, we will persuade him, and secure you.
15 So they took the money, and did as they were taught: and this saying is commonly reported among the Jews until this day.
16 ¶ Then the eleven disciples went away into Galilee, into a mountain where Jesus had appointed them.
17 And when they saw him, they worshipped him: but some doubted.
18 And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.
19 ¶ Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:
20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

Mark
CHAPTER 16
1 And when the sabbath was past, Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James, and Salome, had bought sweet spices, that they might come and anoint him.
2 And very early in the morning the first day of the week, they came unto the sepulchre at the rising of the sun.
3 And they said among themselves, Who shall roll us away the stone from the door of the sepulchre?
4 And when they looked, they saw that the stone was rolled away: for it was very great.
5 And entering into the sepulchre, they saw a young man sitting on the right side, clothed in a long white garment; and they were affrighted.
6 And he saith unto them, Be not affrighted: Ye seek Jesus of Nazareth, which was crucified: he is risen; he is not here: behold the place where they laid him.
7 But go your way, tell his disciples and Peter that he goeth before you into Galilee: there shall ye see him, as he said unto you.
8 And they went out quickly, and fled from the sepulchre; for they trembled and were amazed: neither said they any thing to any man; for they were afraid.
9 ¶ Now when Jesus was risen early the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had cast seven devils.
10 And she went and told them that had been with him, as they mourned and wept.
11 And they, when they had heard that he was alive, and had been seen of her, believed not.
12 ¶ After that he appeared in another form unto two of them, as they walked, and went into the country.
13 And they went and told it unto the residue: neither believed they them.
14 ¶ Afterward he appeared unto the eleven as they sat at meat, and upbraided them with their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they believed not them which had seen him after he was risen.
15 And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.
16 He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.
17 And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
18 They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.
19 ¶ So then after the Lord had spoken unto them, he was received up into heaven, and sat on the right hand of God.
20 And they went forth, and preached every where, the Lord working with them, and confirming the word with signs following. Amen.

Luke
CHAPTER 24
1 Now upon the first day of the week, very early in the morning, they came unto the sepulchre, bringing the spices which they had prepared, and certain others with them.
2 And they found the stone rolled away from the sepulchre.
3 And they entered in, and found not the body of the Lord Jesus.
4 And it came to pass, as they were much perplexed thereabout, behold, two men stood by them in shining garments:
5 And as they were afraid, and bowed down their faces to the earth, they said unto them, Why seek ye the living among the dead?
6 He is not here, but is risen: remember how he spake unto you when he was yet in Galilee,
7 Saying, The Son of man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and the third day rise again.
8 And they remembered his words,
9 And returned from the sepulchre, and told all these things unto the eleven, and to all the rest.
10 It was Mary Magdalene, and Joanna, and Mary the mother of James, and other women that were with them, which told these things unto the apostles.
11 And their words seemed to them as idle tales, and they believed them not.
12 Then arose Peter, and ran unto the sepulchre; and stooping down, he beheld the linen clothes laid by themselves, and departed, wondering in himself at that which was come to pass.
13 ¶ And, behold, two of them went that same day to a village called Emmaus, which was from Jerusalem about threescore furlongs.
14 And they talked together of all these things which had happened.
15 And it came to pass, that, while they communed together and reasoned, Jesus himself drew near, and went with them.
16 But their eyes were holden that they should not know him.
17 And he said unto them, What manner of communications are these that ye have one to another, as ye walk, and are sad?
18 And the one of them, whose name was Cleopas, answering said unto him, Art thou only a stranger in Jerusalem, and hast not known the things which are come to pass there in these days?
19 And he said unto them, What things? And they said unto him, Concerning Jesus of Nazareth, which was a prophet mighty in deed and word before God and all the people:
20 And how the chief priests and our rulers delivered him to be condemned to death, and have crucified him.
21 But we trusted that it had been he which should have redeemed Israel: and beside all this, to day is the third day since these things were done.
22 Yea, and certain women also of our company made us astonished, which were early at the sepulchre;
23 And when they found not his body, they came, saying, that they had also seen a vision of angels, which said that he was alive.
24 And certain of them which were with us went to the sepulchre, and found it even so as the women had said: but him they saw not.
25 Then he said unto them, O fools, and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken:
26 Ought not Christ to have suffered these things, and to enter into his glory?
27 And beginning at Moses and all the prophets, he expounded unto them in all the scriptures the things concerning himself.
28 And they drew nigh unto the village, whither they went: and he made as though he would have gone further.
29 But they constrained him, saying, Abide with us: for it is toward evening, and the day is far spent. And he went in to tarry with them.
30 And it came to pass, as he sat at meat with them, he took bread, and blessed it, and brake, and gave to them.
31 And their eyes were opened, and they knew him; and he vanished out of their sight.
32 And they said one to another, Did not our heart burn within us, while he talked with us by the way, and while he opened to us the scriptures?
33 And they rose up the same hour, and returned to Jerusalem, and found the eleven gathered together, and them that were with them,
34 Saying, The Lord is risen indeed, and hath appeared to Simon.
35 And they told what things were done in the way, and how he was known of them in breaking of bread.
36 ¶ And as they thus spake, Jesus himself stood in the midst of them, and saith unto them, Peace be unto you.
37 But they were terrified and affrighted, and supposed that they had seen a spirit.
38 And he said unto them, Why are ye troubled? and why do thoughts arise in your hearts?
39 Behold my hands and my feet, that it is I myself: handle me, and see; for a spirit hath not flesh and bones, as ye see me have.
40 And when he had thus spoken, he shewed them his hands and his feet.
41 And while they yet believed not for joy, and wondered, he said unto them, Have ye here any meat?
42 And they gave him a piece of a broiled fish, and of an honeycomb.
43 And he took it, and did eat before them.
44 And he said unto them, These are the words which I spake unto you, while I was yet with you, that all things must be fulfilled, which were written in the law of Moses, and in the prophets, and in the psalms, concerning me.
45 Then opened he their understanding, that they might understand the scriptures,
46 And said unto them, Thus it is written, and thus it behoved Christ to suffer, and to rise from the dead the third day:
47 And that repentance and remission of sins should be preached in his name among all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.
48 And ye are witnesses of these things.
49 ¶ And, behold, I send the promise of my Father upon you: but tarry ye in the city of Jerusalem, until ye be endued with power from on high.
50 ¶ And he led them out as far as to Bethany, and he lifted up his hands, and blessed them.
51 And it came to pass, while he blessed them, he was parted from them, and carried up into heaven.
52 And they worshipped him, and returned to Jerusalem with great joy:
53 And were continually in the temple, praising and blessing God. Amen.
John
CHAPTER 20
1 The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulchre, and seeth the stone taken away from the sepulchre.
2 Then she runneth, and cometh to Simon Peter, and to the other disciple, whom Jesus loved, and saith unto them, They have taken away the Lord out of the sepulchre, and we know not where they have laid him.
3 Peter therefore went forth, and that other disciple, and came to the sepulchre.
4 So they ran both together: and the other disciple did outrun Peter, and came first to the sepulchre.
5 And he stooping down, and looking in, saw the linen clothes lying; yet went he not in.
6 Then cometh Simon Peter following him, and went into the sepulchre, and seeth the linen clothes lie,
7 And the napkin, that was about his head, not lying with the linen clothes, but wrapped together in a place by itself.
8 Then went in also that other disciple, which came first to the sepulchre, and he saw, and believed.
9 For as yet they knew not the scripture, that he must rise again from the dead.
10 Then the disciples went away again unto their own home.
11 ¶ But Mary stood without at the sepulchre weeping: and as she wept, she stooped down, and looked into the sepulchre,
12 And seeth two angels in white sitting, the one at the head, and the other at the feet, where the body of Jesus had lain.
13 And they say unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? She saith unto them, Because they have taken away my Lord, and I know not where they have laid him.
14 And when she had thus said, she turned herself back, and saw Jesus standing, and knew not that it was Jesus.
15 Jesus saith unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? whom seekest thou? She, supposing him to be the gardener, saith unto him, Sir, if thou have borne him hence, tell me where thou hast laid him, and I will take him away.
16 Jesus saith unto her, Mary. She turned herself, and saith unto him, Rabboni; which is to say, Master.
17 Jesus saith unto her, Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father: but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and your Father; and to my God, and your God.
18 Mary Magdalene came and told the disciples that she had seen the Lord, and that he had spoken these things unto her.
19 ¶ Then the same day at evening, being the first day of the week, when the doors were shut where the disciples were assembled for fear of the Jews, came Jesus and stood in the midst, and saith unto them, Peace be unto you.
20 And when he had so said, he shewed unto them his hands and his side. Then were the disciples glad, when they saw the Lord.
21 Then said Jesus to them again, Peace be unto you: as my Father hath sent me, even so send I you.
22 And when he had said this, he breathed on them, and saith unto them, Receive ye the Holy Ghost:
23 Whose soever sins ye remit, they are remitted unto them; and whose soever sins ye retain, they are retained.
24 ¶ But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came.
25 The other disciples therefore said unto him, We have seen the Lord. But he said unto them, Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe.
26 ¶ And after eight days again his disciples were within, and Thomas with them: then came Jesus, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, Peace be unto you.
27 Then saith he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing.
28 And Thomas answered and said unto him, My Lord and my God.
29 Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.
30 ¶ And many other signs truly did Jesus in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book:
31 But these are written, that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing ye might have life through his name.

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