Monday 28 December 2015

A Message To Christians

I’ll tell you what you did with atheists for about 1500 years.

You outlawed them from the universities or any teaching careers, besmirched their reputations, banned or burned their books or their writings of any kind, drove them into exile, humiliated them, seized their properties, arrested them for blasphemy.

You dehumanised them with beatings and exquisite torture, gouged out their eyes, slit their tongues, stretched, crushed, or broke their limbs, tore off their breasts if they were women, crushed their scrotums if they were men, imprisoned them, stabbed them, disembowelled them, hanged them, burnt them alive.

And you have nerve enough to complain to me that I laugh at you. 

Madalyn Murray O’Hair


Sunday 27 December 2015

Interviewing Techniques

Famous British actor, Noel Coward, had arrived in Australia for the first time and ABC radio invited him into the studio for an interview. Before they went to air the reporter confessed that he was extremely nervous about doing an interview with someone so famous and wondered if Mr Coward had any hints.

Mr Coward quickly put the reporter at ease: "Don't worry about it my boy," he said. "You start the interview by saying, 'Mr Coward I guess there have been many amusing incidents that have happened to you during your career,' and I'll take it from there. I have plenty of stories and they will easily carry us through the whole program."

So they went into the studio and after the on-air introductions the reporter said, "Well Mr Coward, I guess you have experienced many amusing incidents during your career..." And Noel Coward said, "No."



Friday 25 December 2015

Merry Christmas Everybody

God decided to take a holiday but he couldn't figure out where to go.

"Maybe you could try the Andromeda Galaxy?" suggested one of the angels.
"Too far away," said god.
"I hear the Orion Nebula is nice at this time of year," said another angel.
"A bit too dusty for my liking," god replied.
"What about planet Earth?" suggested yet another angel.
"Hell no," said god. "I'm never going back there again. I was down there about 2,000 years and slept with some woman named Mary - and they're still talking about it!"


Thursday 17 December 2015

Documentary Film Makers Will Fuck You Up

I saw these documentaries many years ago and the details in this blog are based on my own fallible memories, but I can assure you that the gist of each story is extremely accurate.

-----

I saw an Australian documentary featuring an uncontrollable child. The mother complained that boy (about ten years old) was continually throwing tantrums and sometimes got violent. She was at her wit's end and hoped this documentary would highlight her plight and convince the government to investigate the situation and hopefully provide a solution.

At one point the boy had gone into the lavatory so the camera crew moved into position and focused on the door while the mother opened it to reveal her son sitting on the toilet with his pants around his ankles having a shit! The kid screamed and yelled and shouted at them to go away while the mother turned to the camera and said, "See. That's what he's like. That's what I have to put up with." [And that's where I turned the TV off.]

-----

In an American documentary they were discussing the life of a problem gambler who had overcome his addiction and hadn't had a bet for five years. At the prompting of the interviewer, the gambler was explaining that he could never have another bet; the next bet would probably get him started gambling again and all the work of the last five years would be undone.

The interviewer expressed admiration for the gambler's effort to turn his life around and suggested that maybe the gambler had finally beaten his addiction. The gambler agreed that he had done very well to keep away from the casinos for the last five years and was almost tempted to think that maybe he had, indeed, beaten his addiction.

"Well then," said the interviewer to the gambler, "Maybe it's time to put yourself to the test. Maybe it's time we took you to the casino and you can demonstrate your ability to withstand the urge to make that dangerous first bet." The next scene showed the gambler and the interviewer in a car with the camera crew in the back. The car was just pulling up in front of a brightly lit casino! [And that's where I turned the TV off.]

-----

In another Australian documentary the reporter was interviewing a female rape victim who was expressing relief that her rapist was locked up in prison and could no longer get at her. The reporter seemed extremely sympathetic and praised the victim for her courage but wondered what the situation might be like when the rapist was finally released. The victim said she was very nervous about what might happen, but took consolation in knowing that while the criminal was in jail she was completely safe.

"Oh," said the reporter, "Didn't you know? The rapist was released on parole at 10 am this morning." A look of horror and fear spread across the stunned rape victim's face. [And that's where I turned the TV off.]



Sunday 13 December 2015

The Height Of Intolerance

Imagine that this year your birthday falls on the same day as the football grand final. You know your friend loves football and you know he has tickets to the big match, but even so, you still invite him to "skip the football" and come to your birthday party instead. 

How do you think your friend would react? Would he accept the offer, or would he say, "Thanks, but 'no thanks'." It would be one or the other wouldn't it? You certainly wouldn't expect your friend to suddenly start hurling insults at you - and if your friend did do that, you'd start wondering if he is drunk, or maybe going a little bit potty!

So let's see how Christians react when an atheist suggests that maybe they should "skip church" this Christmas.


Billboard erected by American Atheists in Raleigh, North Carolina and Colorado Springs, Colorado

  • New Atheist Antichrist Campaign Displays Height of Intolerance
  • Atheists love mocking Christians celebrating Christmas
  • Atheist-driven billboards mock Christianity and the birth of Christ
  • The billboards seek to belittle Christians for their beliefs
  • And makes a mockery of the most holy birth in history
  • They are disrespectful and intolerant of those with deeply held beliefs
  • And they belittle the true intent of the season
  • The billboards are the epitome of intolerance
All the details here:

A polite refusal of the offer would be appropriate but instead the Christians choose to hurl insults. Not quite the reaction you would expect from people who claim to "love their enemies" and proudly boast of their ability to always "turn the other cheek". Even more surprising when it is remembered that Jesus himself (whom they worship as their god) is reputed to have said,
'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these.
No commandment greater - but they go ahead and hurl insults anyway!

-----

Preacher Franklin Graham took exception to the atheist's suggestion that we "just be good for goodness sake". Graham says Christianity has nothing to do with goodness:
It’s not about being good; it’s about being saved
https://www.facebook.com/FranklinGraham/
That's one of the big attractions of Christianity. People like Graham can lie and cheat and break the law as often as they like, but if they eventually accept Jesus as their saviour, then they can still go to heaven when they die. Meanwhile, those who are just being good for goodness sake; well they can go to hell.




Tuesday 8 December 2015

Megachurch



I saw this picture of Joel Osteen's megachurch and imagined what an old-fashioned "call and response" sermon might sound like in this monument to greed and gluttony. 

Jesus walked on water. 
"Amen brother." 

Jesus changed water into wine. 
"Amen brother." 

Jesus cured a man possessed of demons. 
"Amen brother." 

Lazarus rose from the dead. 
"Amen brother." 

"Sell all you have and give to the poor." 
"Come on brother! Now you're just being silly."



Sunday 6 December 2015

Don't Mess With The Pastor

Years ago I used to do volunteer work at a Day Centre for the homeless and one of the regulars on the staff was a Christian pastor who did whatever he could to help the clients sort out their problems. He rode a Harley motorcycle and looked like your typical outlaw bikie - bearded, six feet tall and weighing about 250 pounds; not the sort of guy you'd pick an argument with.

In reality, as you've probably already guessed, he was a gentle giant and not even slightly dangerous.

There were occasions, however, when a fight would break out, and the pastor was able to use his height and weight to get things calmed down fairly quickly. When a couple of skinny little street fighters see a 250 pound bikie lumbering towards them they quickly decide that it might be a good idea to sit down and behave themselves.

My favourite memory is the day I saw the pastor talking to one of the more belligerent clients. I have no idea what they were arguing about, but just as I walked past them I heard the pastor saying, "If you keep on talking like that, I'll rip your fucken head off and shit down your neck."


Postscript:
Of course the pastor had no real intention of using violence. He was just sending a message to the client in a language the client understood.



Saturday 5 December 2015

You Can't Tell A Book By Its Cover

Some Dutch atheists took a Christian bible and changed the cover to make it look like the Muslim Koran.

Then they highlighted various cruel, nasty, horrible texts and read them to the people they were interviewing and all agreed that the texts were cruel, nasty, and horrible. Certainly not the sort of thing you'd expect to find in a holy book. At the same time, however, most of them weren't surprised to find the Muslims believing such rubbish.

Then the atheists took off the false cover and revealed that all the cruel, nasty and horrible texts came from the Christian bible! Every bad thing the interviewees had just said about Muslims now had to be taken back and re-applied to their Christian friends and relations.






Friday 4 December 2015

Not Guilty On A Technicality

When it was discovered (many years ago) that Robert Trimboli was hiding in Ireland, the New South Wales police force immediately set off to arrest him and have him extradited ... but they didn't really want to arrest him for two reasons:
  1. He had bribed them to let him stay free.
  2. He had information that could embarrass the police force. 
But now that the whole country knew where Trimboli was hiding the police had no option but to serve the arrest warrant. A couple officers hopped on a plane with all the official paper work and off they flew to Ireland. And then, oh dear me, what a surprise! The arrest warrants hadn't been signed properly! The poor, befuddled, police officers couldn't understand how it happened, but it had happened and now Mr Trimboli was free to go. Dear oh dear, what a shame.


More recently the New South Wales Independent Commission Against Corruption (ICAC) began an investigation into Crown prosecutor, Margaret Cunneen. The investigating officers knew there would be plenty of incriminating evidence stored on her mobile phone (text messages etc) so they immediately got a warrant to seize the phone.


Oh no, wait a minute, they forgot to get the warrant; they just seized the phone without a warrant! What a bunch of silly-billys they must be.

Even I know that you need a warrant before you seize personal items for use in a legal investigation.

You knew it too didn't you?

But not the silly old officials at ICAC. They had no idea!


So what does that mean? it means that every piece of incriminating evidence on that phone cannot be used in the court room. The evidence is now inadmissible and the investigation has come to a halt. Margaret Cunneen has been exonerated.

Now what do you think?

Were the ICAC officials so inept that they didn't know they needed a warrant to seize the phone? Or so incompetent that they just forgot to get the warrant? Or did they deliberately break the law in order to make sure that the evidence could NOT be used in court, and Margaret Cunneen would be exonerated as a consequence?

It's good having friends in high places. Saves you from all sorts of trouble.

The NSW corruption watchdog has been accused of illegal conduct and "oppressive maladministration" in its ill-fated investigation into Crown prosecutor Margaret Cunneen, including seizing her phone without a warrant and releasing almost a decade of her personal text messages.

In a scathing report into the Independent Commission Against Corruption's aborted inquiry into Ms Cunneen, ICAC Inspector David Levine, QC, said it was a "low point" in the history of the agency and the watchdog had engaged in "unreasonable, unjust, [and] oppressive maladministration".



Thursday 3 December 2015

Wednesday 2 December 2015

What Is The Common Denominator ?

I came across these lists on
Kevin Sorbo's Facebook Page

What is the common denominator for all of these terrorist attacks?
Shoe Bomber
Beltway Snipers
Fort Hood Shooter
Underwear Bomber
U-S.S. Cole Bombers
Madrid Train Bombers
Bafi Nightclub Bombers
London Subway Bombers
Moscow Theatre Attackers
Boston Marathon Bombers
Pan-Am flight #93 Bombers
Air France Entebbe Hijackers
Iranian Embassy Takeover
Beirut U.S. Embassy bombers
Libyan U.S. Embassy Attack
Buenos Aires Suicide Bombers
Israeli Olympic Team Attackers
Kenyan U.S, Embassy Bombers
Saudi, Khobar Towers Bombers
Beirut Marine Barracks bombers
Besian Russian School Attackers
First World Trade Center Bombers
Bombay & Mumbai India Attackers
Achille Lauro Cruise Ship Hijackers
September 11th Twin Towers Attack
Answer
All of the terrorists were Muslims


What is the common demoninator for all of these organizations?
Islamic Jihad
ISIS
Al-Qaeda
Taliban
Hamas
Hezbollah
Boko Haram
Al-Nusra
Abu Sayyaf
Al-Badr
Muslim Brotherhood
Lashkar-e-Taiba
Palestine Liberation Front
Ansaru
Jemaah Islamiyah
Abdullah Azzam Brigades
Defenders of Islam
Answer
They are all Muslim terrorist organizations


After reading this post some people might think it is a little biased against the Muslims so I decided to make it as fair and balanced as possible. I decided to also draw up a list of every atheist terrorist organization, plus all of the terrorist acts they have committed. And what do you know? Nothing!


Update
A new addition to the list
(A terrorist attack that took place earlier today)

The Inland Regional Center in San Bernardin0
(14 dead, 17 wounded)

The terrorists were:
Syed Rizwan Farook
and Tashfeen Malik

Will they turn out to be Muslims?
Or atheists?
What do you think?