Thursday 21 April 2016

Steve Wakeford & The Witchdoctor

This is Steve Wakeford preaching a sermon titled "Spiritual Warfare" to a youth group at the Menai Anglican church in Sydney, Australia, on April 12th, 2008. This is Christianity as taught to Australian children by an adult human being in the 21st century! 




Transcript
So grab your bibles. Turn to Ephesians six and we'll have a look at what Paul tells us there,about Spiritual Warfare. It's from verse ten, and the first thing he tells us from verse ten is that Spiritual Warfare is real. We kinda think that Spiritual Warfare is something that happens to missionaries, y'know. Or maybe it happens to pastors, but not to Christians like us. Right? So let me give you a couple of examples:

When we were at college we had a guy who lectured us in missions. The guy's name was Graham Martin (Fantastic bloke). He'd been a missionary in Papua-New Guinea for 20 something years. Up in the highlands in the middle of nowhere. Right? And there was this witchdoctor in the village that he was living in, and the witchdoctor hated Graham. Very bad for the witchdoctor's business Graham was - because people were becoming Christians and they would hang out with Graham and not go to the witchdoctor.

So the witchdoctor thought, "I'm gonna kill this bloke. I'm sick of him. I'm gonna kill him." So they went out hunting one day; a bunch of these dudes from the village, and they're out hunting pigs - which is another reason I like Graham (...but different story...)

So they're hunting pigs with bows and arrows (not rifles) and the witchdoctor; he's sneaking around the jungle, and he jumps out from behind this tree - about over where the door is; about 15 metres away. Right? Jumps out from behind the tree with his bow and arrow. Pulls the bow back [Pss-sh- yew]. Lets the arrow go - and the arrow is howling across the jungle towards Graham and he's standing there thinking, "Oh I'm..." He was frozen. He was freaked out. He was thinking, "OK, I'm gonna die in the jungle. Here I come Lord."
[You know, ready or not, sort of thing.]

And, and the arrow is [Pss-sh-yew] 
  • and stops
  • a foot away from his chest
  • in mid-air
  • Right?
  • then snaps in two
  • and falls to the ground
  • Yeah, exactly! 
And the witchdoctor freaked out. That's what he thought too. So...and he ran away.

So a couple days later he thought, "Oh I'm not gonna give up. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him." So he gets a few of his mates together and they go around to Graham's place in the evening. Right? It's dark. Graham's having dinner with his wife and his three little daughters. OK?

And there's about 20 of these dudes. They've got machetes and clubs, and - you know - a flaming torch thing. You know - like - Indiana Jones torch thing. You know those things? OK.

So they go around to Graham's house and they're thinking to themselves "We're gonna chop this bloke up and then we're gonna chop his family up and then we're gonna burn his house. Y'know - kill him."

So they get to Graham's house and they look inside and there's like a hundred people in the house with Graham and his family having dinner, and they were like: "Oh, for goodness sake. We didn't know they were there." So they go away.

The next morning he's talking to Graham in the village and he says, "You're lucky to be alive mate. I was gonna kill you last night." 

And Graham says, "Why didn't you kill me?" 

He said, "Because there was a hundred people in your hut having dinner you clown!" (You know. Or whatever he said in Papua-New Guinean and...whatever the equivalent expression is. Right?)

And Graham said "What are you talking about mate? I was at home with Elizabeth and our three kids by ourselves. We were having dinner by ourselves. There was no-one in the hut."

There was like a hundred angels in the hut; just hanging out with him, having dinner.

That freaked the witch doctor out. So the witchdoctor then said to Graham, "OK dude. I give up. You better tell me about this Jesus bloke." And the guy ended up becoming a Christian.


That's pastor Steve Wakeford - telling lies for Jesus.



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