The Sport Of Kings

Earlier this month saw the running of the Melbourne Cup race. It is a 2 mile handicap race with prize money of about $6 million and draws a crowd that usually exceeds 100,000. It is as famous in Australia as the Kentucky Derby in America. All across the country people stop whatever they are doing to watch the race on TV or listen to it on the radio - which has led to it being called "the race that stops a nation".

Years ago I used to go to the races every Saturday - and nearly always lost my money but felt confident that one day I would make a fortune. It took me twenty years to realise that it wouldn't happen. Anyway, way back then, I would be up in the grandstand and most of the races started over in the back stretch so it was hard to see (and impossible to hear) what was going on until they had rounded the turn and hit the main straight.

Every now and then, however, one of the longer races would actually start in the main straight right in front of the grand stand and you could easily see and hear everything that happened. Actually you couldn't hear very much because nobody spoke. Occasionally a jockey might call to the starter, "I'm not ready Sir," but never much more than that. Then the gates would open and all we could hear were thundering hooves.

But one day I arrived late at the track and was held up by the officials  on the back stretch because a race was about to start. I was only about five metres from the starting barriers and at first everything was as quiet and genteel as it had always been, but - oh boy - was there a difference when the gates flew open.

No need to put on a show of politeness in front of the public this time because (way over here on the back stretch) the only observers were the race track officials and me. You should have heard it: "Get out the road you cunt...Give us some fucking room you bastard...I'll smack your silly head in...You idiot..."

I was shocked! Shocked I tell you. I was betting money on these yobbos?